Turning 50 isn't nearly as traumatic as the words, “Let’s schedule a colonoscopy.” What is it about this medical procedure that makes people go weak in the knees? It’s probably that most people know little about what is involved in having a colonoscopy except that it is a particularly private and invasive procedure.
Preparing for that First Colonoscopy
Knowing that the purpose of this medical procedure is to diagnose and treat patients for certain diseases (especially cancer) of the lower gastrointestinal (GI) tract (that includes the rectum and colon), doesn’t make the thought of a colonoscopy any more inviting. Nor does the idea of having a long, flexible, tubular instrument about half an inch in diameter threaded through the nether regions. (WebMD.com, August 9, 2010)
However, this device called a colonoscope transmits an image of the lining of the colon so the doctor can examine the colon for any abnormalities. Now that’s pretty cool. The idea that a physician can actually view someone’s innards like they were watching Grey’s Anatomy on their television screen is rather intriguing.
Okay, finally over that initial resistance that most people feel when first confronted with the idea of getting a colonoscopy, it is time to ask that all important question: "Will it hurt?" That’s when the truth comes out.
The colonoscopy itself doesn’t hurt because patients are placed in a relaxed or twilight state of sedation. It means they won’t remember a thing that happened (thank goodness!), but they are conscious enough to answer questions and talk to the surgical staff during the procedure, if necessary. Okay, what’s the catch?
Well, the day before a colonoscopy, patients have to prepare for the procedure, and it’s not pleasant. In fact, a 2008 poll from the Accreditation Association for Ambulatory Health Care Institute for Quality Improvement (AAAHC Institute) found that most patients felt that prepping for the colonoscopy was more uncomfortable than the procedure itself.
It involves drinking a lot (eight 8-ounce glasses) of really icky tasting stuff. It’s sort of like lemon-flavored Draino®. It really cleans the pipes. In fact, when warned to plan on spending several hours in the bathroom the night before, believe it. And for anyone who doesn’t like lemon, most prescription prep kits (there are a variety of them) come in other flavors such as cherry and orange. Not that any flavor could mask the bad taste.
The obvious reason for the cleaning is that when the doctor is performing the colonoscopy, he doesn’t want any surprises. So along with the drinking, there is no eating. The bright side is that most patients complete the procedure a few pounds lighter than when they started. It’s a great beginning for anyone who wants to jumpstart their diet.
When buying the prep kit, it is recommended to get a salve or ointment and apply it liberally because the results of taking the prep can be burning skin.
A Few Funny Lines for First-time Colonoscopy Patients
While it really is a very simple procedure for the average person and it supplies critical medical information to doctors, a colonoscopy is nothing to laugh about. Having said that, here are a few funny comments that were reportedly uttered by patients under the influence of twilight anesthesia:
- "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!"
- "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
- "Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
- "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."
- "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?"
On a final serious note, a colonoscopy, like any medical procedure, is not without risks. Colonoscopy patients should discuss any concerns they have with their doctor. And be sure to follow all instructions exactly. Bon appetit and smooth sailing!
Deborah S. Hildebrand - Deborah S. Hildebrand is a freelance writer & HR consultant with 20+ years in human resources & a Bachelor's degree in Business.
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